


Sassy Chickens

by willatree3510



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Some Swearing, Will add more tags as I go along, and spot/race, chat fic, eventually becomes spralmer, groupchat au, lots of ranting, starts off as albert/elmer, vine references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-07-16 07:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16081538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willatree3510/pseuds/willatree3510
Summary: Race creates a groupchat...nothing could go wrong...right?





	1. It Begins

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever chat fic. I'll introduce the characters and their usernames next chapter, but for now, enjoy the craziness that is Sassy Chickens!!

_CigarBoi has added TheBestJacobs, BisexualityDisaster, TheMatureOne, Cute_as_ducks, BestofBrooklyn, CanIGetAWaffle, CanIPleaseGetAWaffle, KillerPanda, BlinkBlink, BestBi, SpicySpecs, PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon, Real_name_hidden, AggravatedCremeBrulee, Buh-buh-BACON, TheGayAwakens, Gred, Forge, and Bi-AcedReporter to Sassy Chickens._

CanIGetAWaffle: why is that the name

CigarBoi: why is Albert your name

CanIGetAWaffle: ok

CanIGetAWaffle: rude

TheMatureOne: Why am I here?

BestofBrooklyn: ^^

CigarBoi: if you want to leave

CigarBoi: the door is right there

BestofBrooklyn: kk thx

_BestofBrooklyn has left Sassy Chickens_

_TheMatureOne: has left Sassy Chickens_

BisexualityDisaster: no

_BisexualityDisaster has added BestofBrooklyn and TheMatureOne to Sassy Chickens_

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: why are you all up

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: Al and i were marathoning Indiana Jones

CigarBoi: i was watching Love, Simon

Bi-AcedReporter: how many times have you seen it???

CigarBoi: i lost count after the first 15 times

Bi-AcedReporter: only 15??? I thought it was more

CigarBoi: today

CigarBoi: ive watched it at least 15 times today

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: is that even possible

CigarBoi: nothing is impossible!!!!!!!!!!!!

Real_name_hidden: go to sleep y'all

BestBi: y'all

TheBetterJacobs: y'all

KillerPanda: y'all

BlinkBlink: y'all

TheGayAwakens: y'all

AggravatedCremeBrulee: y'all

Buh-buh-BACON: its one in the morning

Buh-buh-BACON: school starts tomorrow

Buh-buh-BACON: go to sleep

Gred: wait

Gred: school starts tomorrrow!??!?!?!!?!!??

Gred: shit

Forge: i told you this mike!!

Bi-AcedReporter: see

Bi-AcedReporter: Crutchie's the only good one of us

Bi-AcedReporter: they're sleeping and not on here at 1 in the fucking morning

Cute-as-ducks: what'd i miss??

Cute_as_ducks: i was watching vine compilations

CigarBoi: rip vine

CanIGetAWaffle: you will be missed

TheMatureOne: GO TO SLEEP


	2. The Lesbians Enter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smalls and Sniper join the madness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter, you will find out the usernames of all the Newsies. Sorry if the names were confusing in the last one

__

_ Sassy Chickens _

TheBestJacobs: so, do you guys mind if i add some girls i met at soccer to the groupchat today

BisexualityDisaster: sure

_ TheBestJacobs has added Lipstick-Lover and LittleButFierce to Sassy Chickens _

Lipstick-Lover: Hi

TheBestJacobs: Hey guys! This is Sarah from soccer

CigarBoi: the grammar it hurts

LittleButFierce: oh hi Sarah!!

Lipstick-Lover: um who is everyone

BisexualityDiasater: im Jack, he/him, poly and bi (obviously)

TheMatureOne: My name is Davey, he/him pronouns please, and I’m also bisexual

CigarBoi: the grammar

CigarBoi: it burns

TheBestJacobs: Sarah, she/her, lesbian

CigarBoi: Race, he/him, bi

Cute_as_ducks: I’m Crutchie!!! Nonbinary, so they/them pronouns, and I’m pan and poly

BestofBrooklyn: Spot, he/him, gay

CanIGetAWaffle?: Albert, he/him, panromantic ace

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle?: Elmer, he/him, polysexual

KillerPanda: Mush, he/him, polysexual

BlinkBlink: Blink, he/him, pan

BestBuy: Romeo, he/him, bi

SpicySpecs: Specs, he/him, gay

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: Finch, he/him, gay, ace

Real_name_hidden: Tommy Boy, he/him, gay

AggravatedCremeBrulee: Henry, he/him, gay

Buh-buh-BACON: Jojo, he/him, pan

TheGayAwakens: Buttons, he/him, gay

Gred: Mike, he/him, gay

Forge: Ike, he/him, pan

Forge: were also twins

Gred: if you didn’t already get that

LittlebutFierce: nice to meet you, im Smalls, she/her, and lesbian

Lipstick-Lover: im Sniper, she/her, lesbian

BisexualityDisaster: why do I feel like we’re missing someone

TheMatureOne: Where’s Kath

Bi-Aced Reporter: Sorry! I had to talk to the coach, and I just got home

Bi-Aced Reporter: Hi Smalls! Hi Sniper! It’s Kath from soccer

Bi-Aced Reporter: Oh, we’re doing introductions

BI-Aced Reporter: I’m Kath (obviously), she/her, and I’m Biromantic and Asexual

Lipstick-Lover: Al

Lipstick-Lover: El

Lipstick-Lover: i love your usernames

Lipstick-Lover: wait

Lipstick-Lover: is it okay if i call you al and el??

CanIGetAWaffle: thats fine

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: we dont mind

BestBi: just dont call them albie or elmie

SpicySpecs: those are their pet names for each other

TheGayAwakens: race called them that once

TheGayAwakens: he was bitch-slapped twice

BlinkBlink: theyre not dating tho

CigarBoi: look at you

CigarBoi: using theyre

TheMatureOne: I'm proud of you. You used the right they're!

KillerPanda: we all know he has autocorrect on

BlinkBlink: hes right

LittlebutFierce: who here is in a relationship

Bi-AcedReporter: Sarah is my beautiful girlfriend

TheBetterJacobs: <3

KillerPanda: blink is my boyfriend

Buh-buh-BACON: theyre that couple thats always disgustingly cute

BestBi: specs and i are dating

SpicySpecs: us three couples are the only people dating here

TheBetterJacobs: you mean

TheBetterJacobs: were the only ones that have our shit together

TheMatureOne: SARAH BRIDGET JACOBS

TheMatureOne: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE

TheGayAwakens: also davey is our mom

Real_name_hidden: and crutchie is everyones son

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: elmer and mush are the only other semi innocent ones

Gred: the rest of us have been corrupted

Forge: by race


	3. It's Fall Y'all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albert has a jean jacket problem, Sniper has a flannel and beanie problem, and Davey pisses Sarah off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! sorry about not updating, the past month has been crazy. so, enjoy this next chapter!

_Sassy Chickens_

Lipstick-Lover: idk about yall

Lipstick-lover: but im excited about fall

TheMatureOne: why?

Lipstick-Lover: bc its flannel season!!!!!!!

LittleButFierce: sniper has an unhealthy amount of flannels and beanies

KillerPanda: I GET TO WEAR BLINKS LETTERMAN JACKET

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: AND I GET TO WEAR SPOTS

CigerBoi: and imma steal alllll of als jean jackets

CigarBoi: he has like 20

CigarBoi: its bad

BlinkBlink: i get to wear your soccer jacket then mush

KillerPanda: NO

KillerPanda: NEVER

BlinkBlink: rude

 

**10:45 pm**

 

CigarBoi: im gonna say it

CigarBoi: blink

CigarBoi: your username is unoriginal

BlinkBlink: HOW DARE YOU

KillerPanda: babe

KillerPanda: race is right

KillerPanda: well thats something i never thought id say

BlinkBlink: im wounded mush

BlinkBlink: youve betrayed me

CigarBoi: im sorry to interrupt this  _beautiful_ moment

CigarBoi: but blink

CigarBoi: im changing your username whether you like it or not

BlinkBlink: how

CigarBoi: ive known you since we were kids

CigarBoi: i have my ways

_BlinkBlink has changed their name to EmoBoi_   


EmoBoi: RACE CHANGE IT BACK

KillerPanda: what?

CigarBoi: blink had an emo phase in 7th grade

EmoBoi: RACE DONT YOU DARE

CigarBoi: It was the whole year

EmoBoi: IT WAS THREE MONTHS RACE

KillerPanda: why have i never heard of this

EmoBoi: IT NEVER HAPPENED

KillerPanda: do you have pics race?

CigarBoi: of course, what do you take me for

CigarBoi: (emoblink.jpg1)

CigarBoi: (emoblink.jpg2)

CigarBoi: (emoblink.jpg3)

CigarBoi: (emoblink.jpg4)

CigarBoi: i have more, i just cant find them

KillerPanda: these are beautiful

KillerPanda: thank you race

BisexualityDisaster: you know i always forget that we only met blink last year

TheMatureOne: me too

TheGayAwakens: i just opened this chat

TheGayAwakens: im not disappointed

EmoBoi: welp

EmoBoi: time to go die in a hole

 

**2:30 am**

TheBetterJacobs: 20 points if anyone can guess what my biggest pet peeve is

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: transphobes

CanIGetAWaffle: homophobes

CigarBoi: delancy brothers

EmoBoi: when people expose your 7th grade emo phase to your boyfriend and all your friends

TheBetterJacobs: all good guesses, but no

TheBetterJacobs: people leaving the toILET SEAT UP AFTER THEY USE THE BATHROOM

TheMatureOne: oh shit

TheBetterJacobs: DAVID JACOBS I WILL KILL YOU

Real_name_hidden: well dave

Real_name_hidden: it was nice knowing ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> albert is me, dont judge
> 
> also, if the usernames are confusing, heres a quick list
> 
> Jack: BisexualityDisaster  
> Davey: TheMatureOne  
> Kath: Bi-Aced Reporter  
> Sarah: TheBetterJacobs  
> Race: CigarBoi  
> Crutchie: Cute_as_ducks  
> Spot: BestofBrooklyn  
> Albert: CanIGetAWaffle  
> Elmer: CanIPleaseGetAWaffle  
> Mush: KillerPanda  
> Blink: BlinkBlink  
> Romeo: BestBi  
> Specs: SpicySpecs  
> Finch: PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon  
> Tommy Boy: Real_name_hidden  
> Henry: AggravatedCremeBrulee  
> Jojo: Buh-buh-BACON  
> Buttons: TheGayAwakens  
> Mike: Gred  
> Ike: Forge  
> Smalls: LittleButFierce  
> Sniper: Lipstick-Lover


	4. Don't Listen to Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race ruins at least five people's innocence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!! This fic isn't dead, I just keep forgetting to update. Now, to chapter 4, in which people realize why they shouldn't listen to Race

**3:30 am**

 

CanIGetAWaffle: skittles are gay rocks

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: are M&Ms lesbian then?

CanIGetAWaffle: obviously

CanIGetAWaffle: weve uncovered their secrets

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: woah

CigarBoi: you wanna know an awesome commercial

CigarBoi: banned skittles and banned doritos commercials

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: where can i find them

CigarBoi: youtube

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: k

CigarBoi: I HAVE BEEN K'd

CigarBoi: ELMER WHY MUST YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

 

**3:40 am**

 

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: ive been scarred for life

CanIGetAWaffle: race

CanIGetAWaffle: what did you do

CigarBoi: i didn't do anything

CigarBoi: for once

CigarBoi: he mustve just watched the commercials

AggravatedCremeBrulee: they cant be that bad

BestofBrooklyn: race is the one who found them

AggravatedCremeBrulee: i stand corrected

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: i just watched them

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: ill never see doritos or skittles the same way again

BestofBrooklyn: holy shit

BestofBrooklyn: how the hell did you ever come across those

CigarBoi: for all you curious souls out there

CigarBoi: heres the link

CigarBoi: (bannedcommercialsyoutube.com)

KillerPanda: imma watch it

EmoBoi: same

 

**4:00 am**

 

Buh-buh-BACON: what 

Buh-buh-BACON: the

Buh-buh-BACON: actual

Buh-buh-BACON: FUCK

Buh-buh-BACON: did 

Buh-buh-BACON: i

Buh-buh-BACON: just 

Buh-buh-BACON:watch

TheGayAwakens: race

TheGayAwakens: how the hell did you find those

CigarBoi: i just looked up banned commercials and that popped up

TheMatureOne: And you just look this up on a normal basis?

CigarBoi: no, otherwise i wouldve found them earlier

TheMatureOne: Don't give me sass young man!

TheMatureOne: I just want to know what compelled you to look that up.

CigarBoi: you act as if youve havent been so brain dead at 3 am that you dont even know what the fuck you search

TheMatureOne: I haven't.

BestofBrooklyn: i have

Bi-AcedReporter: I have

CanIGetAWaffle: i have

CanIPleaseGetAWaffle: i have

Gred: i have

Forge: i have

BisexualityDisaster: i have

TheBetterJacobs: i have 

Lipstick-Lover: i have

LittleButFierce: i have

SpicySpecs: i have

BestBi: i have

AggravatedCremeBrulee: i have

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: i have

Buh-buh-BACON: i have

TheGayAwakens: i have

Real_name_hidden: i have

Cute_as_ducks: i have

KillerPanda: i have

EmoBoi: i have

Bi-AcedReporter: Did you know that the first puck ever used in a hockey game was a piece of cow crap?

TheMatureOne: What the fuck is wrong with you people?

BisexualityDisaster: you know you love us dave

TheMatureOne: That's debatable.

BisexualityDisaster: :(

 

**4:30 am**

 

Bi-AcedReporter: (kidsmellingacactus.jpg)

CigarBoi: uhhhhhh Kath

CigarBoi: you good

Bi-AcedReporter: I’m fabulous!

Bi-AcedReporter: Never been better, actually!

CanIHaveAWaffle: are you drunk

CanIPleaseHaveAWaffle: are you high

TheBetterJacobs: ok then…

SpicySpecs: why

Bi-AcedReporter: why not

TheMatureOne: I’m confused.

Bi-AcedReporter: What’s confusing? It’s a kid smelling a cactus

TheMatureOne: The whole thing.

Bi-AcedReporter: It’s just a kid smelling a cactus

Real_name_hidden: do you ever look back at your life choices…

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: and regret everything?

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon: every time this groupchat goes off

Bi-AcedReporter: RUDE

Cute_as_ducks: hey guys, look its Jack

BisexualityDisaster: wait what

Cute_as_ducks: you want to go to Santa Fe

Cute_as_ducks: There’s cactuses in Santa Fe

TheMatureOne: Actually, it’s cacti.

Cute_as_ducks: what?

TheMatureOne: The plural of cactus is cacti.

Cute_as_ducks: ok then..

Cute_as_ducks: theres  **_cacti_ ** in santa fe

Cute_as_ducks: Jack wants to go to santa fe

Cute_as_ducks: Jack would be with cacti

BestBi: so basically, youre saying Jack is the little boy hugging the cactus

Cute_as_ducks: EXACTLY

_ BisexualityDisaster has changed their name to KidSmellingACactus _

KidSmellingACactus: RACE

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about not updating in 5 months, but I should be updating more often!!  
> Hopefully  
> Anyways, the banned doritos/skittles commercials actually exist. My friend showed me them, and you should be warned if you feel like looking it up  
> The kid smelling a cactus convo is like one I had with my friends about that picture, and i was Katherine   
> To see the picture Kath sent, just look up Kid Smelling a Cactus  
> Finally, Happy 7 Year Anniversary to Newsies Opening!!!!  
> Username list:  
> Jack: BisexualityDisaster (now KidSmellingACactus)  
> Davey: TheMatureOne  
> Kath: Bi-Aced Reporter  
> Sarah: TheBetterJacobs  
> Race: CigarBoi  
> Crutchie: Cute_as_ducks  
> Spot: BestofBrooklyn  
> Albert: CanIGetAWaffle  
> Elmer: CanIPleaseGetAWaffle  
> Mush: KillerPanda  
> Blink: EmoBoi  
> Romeo: BestBi  
> Specs: SpicySpecs  
> Finch: PermanentlyExhaustedPigeon  
> Tommy Boy: Real_name_hidden  
> Henry: AggravatedCremeBrulee  
> Jojo: Buh-buh-BACON  
> Buttons: TheGayAwakens  
> Mike: Gred  
> Ike: Forge  
> Smalls: LittleButFierce  
> Sniper: Lipstick-Lover


End file.
